Betrayal to Betrayal – Artist life-residue of solitude

“C’est vraiment trop injuste”

Betrayal to betrayal, my Artist life can be describe as residue of solitude and suffering.

Coming from an upper middle class family, I’ve been rapidly excluded from it, as a “normal” member. As soon as the first signs of my anorexia, my difference appeared, Mother and Father had decided, I was ill, mentally ill, and my future would be proof of their blind verdict.

Considered as this “ill mentally thing” they had nominated me, I bore their sarcasm, their permanent jokings about my dreamy attitude, my passion for dogs and Art, my pertinent and “subversive” thoughts. “Subversive” meant for them my engagement for saving animals, environment, and my devotion to “depraved artists” like Egon Schiele, Gustav Klimt, where nudity representation had exactly connected with my idealistic vision. In my Family Nudity representation was forbidden on the walls and only some impending landscapes painters were largely recognised by them and considered at the only truth I have to pend when I announced I was preparing competition for Beaux Arts admission. Such a terrible knew for my parents who wanted me, Doctor or Lawer, or submissive spouse of a VIP.

http://www.antablog.com/they-say-im-cold-because-i-have-an-eating-disorder/

My choice went like a storm and nothing was the same than before. Their support didn’t exist and their fierceness to discourage me lasted for decades until I made my first exhibition in Paris, for “Le Mois de la Photo”, and was awarded “Prix de la Ville de Paris”. Later in 1990, I was awarded “Prix Villa Medicis”. But they ignored all of my life, for a long time already. I lived in Paris. Lyon was their fief, where they preserved conception of Society, the stronghold of their unanimous truth.

 

Self-portrait 2017 – the only way is to face the danger

As a “fragile” person, I can say, loneliness was my best friend, even if I was very sociable with students of my age, and traveled a lot on my own to visit exhibitions in France and Europe. I insist, I love to share great moments with friends, laughing and talking positively about everything.

But always I had to fight to be considered equaly by the artists males.

https://books.google.pt/books?id=cSUAAQAAQBAJ&pg=PA54&lpg=PA54&dq=la+solitude+des+artistes+femmes&source=bl&ots=ohJYjrnjdp&sig=u7YkT9qZOQNW7dwbrvaaYZ2msnE&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj8xYWB25vYAhVJvBQKHcYVBJMQ6AEIPTAD#v=onepage&q=la%20solitude%20des%20artistes%20femmes&f=false

At 21 years old I became a well known photographer in France, and did a lot international exhibitions. Howhever my self esteem stayed very low and without support of my family I felt guilty and dark person, because my “job” had no recognition in their mind, in their mouth, their eyes.

Sad escalation began to trouble my life, even I have been a winner all my life.

My Fine Art Nudes were seen by them as pornographic and our relationship died years after years, just to become a fake poisoned link.

In those circonstances, my lovers were always representative of my fake, abusive, toxic relationship with Mother. Then abuse overwhelmed my life. I had two children with different fathers, both of whom  were batterers and manipulators.

I finally lived alone with my two children (5 months) and 6 years old, and managed to survive and give them the best I could. All those years spread about war and awfull battle with lawers who was payed by fathers to withdraw the custody of my two daughters.

I lost a lot of my energy and my life became concentrated on this haunting war I was constrained to be involved in.

My Art never gave up, but my popularity decreased as I didn’t got time to meet people for vernissages and play the society life, as I did in the glorious past.

Anorexic artistic integrity

I was alone, mother of two and artist. Family stayed far away of any concern in my life and I survived.

Today my daughters are women and work brilliantly in Parisian society. Unfortunately their relationship with their powerfull fathers had lead them to a conformist life, material, very upper class and they have betrayed me, as they considered me as a looser, an subversive individual.

Last time I watched a serial thriller “Manhunt-Unabomber” and a felt empathy to this public enemy who lived hidden in a cabin in the woods…..{Manhunt: UNABOMBER tells the dramatic and gripping true story of the FBI’s hunt for the Unabomber, the deadliest serial bomber in history. The story focuses on FBI Agent and Criminal Profiler Jim “Fitz” Fitzgerald who pioneered the use of forensic linguistics to identify and ultimately capture the Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski.}

His Manifesto contained idealistic ideas to save the society from financial world which will destroy all of us in a next future.

And finally I thought, I’m an hermite, working alone, telling truth about my thoughts, denouncing abuse, torture, lack of meaning in this materialistic society, and the indifference of people about activist art, which I think, can define my own artwork.

I notice than Artmarket is dead, and there is only a world of influence, where stars curators decide what’s Art in 2018.

http://www.zones-subversives.com/2017/03/l-imposture-de-l-art-contemporain.html

https://www.lechappee.org/du-narcissisme-de-l-art-contemporain

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