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One of the most searing Portraits of doll’s desperation ever put in Akan’s story.
It’s time to tell about essential, minimal, brutal things in Life. Isn’t it?
Akan had tried terribly hard to postpone this moment when a dark whispering murmur of the wind would came.
But it happened despite that.
This wind was the announcement of death.
Somebody in the tower was going to leave tragically.
This doll didn’t deserve to die alone nor endure this hard life.
This black day was actually a relief for this tenant, a squatter in fact.
She had been hiding in a basement for a few days after having run away from Bresson-City.
Her name was Doll “Mouchette”.
She came from the county of Bernanoshire, where she had lived in hardship in Bresson-city.
There she had faced major difficulties: a dying mother, an alcoholic father who was absent, and a baby brother in need of care.
She had been subjected to derision from her teachers.
“Nothing but a little savage” was how the Bresson-city school-teacher had described fourteen-year-old Mouchette, and that view had been echoed by every right-thinking local citizen.
Mouchette had been alone, completely alone, against everyone.”
Her mother was too sick to get out of bed, Mouchette had been forced to take on the motherly tasks, preparing everyone’s meals and feeding her younger sibling.
At one point, it even looked like she might try breastfeeding when there was no fire on the stove to heat the baby’s milk.
She had been forced to be an adult even before her body was capable.
Also one dark night she had been raped by a bad man in a wood.
As tragedies continued to pile up, she had decided to leave Bresson-city and to take her life into her own hands, like a last act of defiance.
Mouchette doll was the most beautiful of dolls despite her tangled black hair, her dirty nails, and her wooden clogs.
Akan didn’t know Mouchette, until she had gone to bathe in the river with her friend Betsy, anorexic paper-doll and the severed hand of the doll who had disappeared.
It was the spring of 2011 in April.
It was still very chilly and the wind was twisting and twirling the petals of the young trees in bloom.
This supremely delicate dance had attracted a sad person.
“Mouchette finds rescue and peace in the nature”.
A young doll soiled by the earth and misery, with black hair matted and covered with dust, was sitting, stretched out on the ground, on the green bank: Mouchette.
Betsy who was unable to swim, given that her paper body would disintegrate, was also seated on the other side of the river, looking after the towels of her friends, Akan and Syndra Raynaud.
Akan and Syndra were playing in the cool water splashing each other and diving into the depths.
Their bodies glided in the light, with the thinness of Akan’s body magnificent in the light of the ripples, her skin both pale and livid embellishing the river.
Syndra, the severed hand of the doll who had disappeared, with her long fingers, mimicked the touching grace of a starfish.
Syndra became a mischievous mermaid jumping in the silvery waters; her fingers did not feel the slightest cold or the slightest increase in temperature: a kind of provisional harmony!
Suddenly a cry, Betsy, panicked, helpless, witness of the worst, the death of Mouchette.
Mouchette had let herself roll from the top of the bank like a lifeless puppet carried away by her own momentum down the slope.
{Of course, she does it alone, so maybe Bresson isn’t letting us off the hook after all.
Maybe putting up with a hard life leads us to even harder, more isolated positions.
In the prologue, Mouchette’s mother refers to a stone that is inside her, a metaphor for her illness.
But then, it could be where we all end up, weighted down, and the more we struggle, like a bird ensnared in a poacher’s trap, the more it hurts.
Bresson only releases Mouchette by letting that full weight land on her, and thus pushing her under.}
Mouchette let herself slide into the cold water, drown in icy water, on this beautiful sunny morning in mid-April.
Akan and Syndra had seen nothing, but felt the tumult of the circles in the water left by the despairing leap of the Doll Mouchette.
Betsy stiff with pain, dried out with sadness, stiffened even more before the now empty water.
It was April 14, 2011, Doll Mouchette would leave an enormous hole in the lives of Akan and her friends.
Bresson, director of the masterpiece, says:
“Mouchette offers evidence of misery and cruelty.
She is found everywhere: wars, concentration camps, tortures, assassinations.”
For Mouchette. Alice Odilon December 2010.
Anorexia: The Lack of Meaning
Is there anything from which to subtract my anorexic body?
- There is an enigma in me, an X.
The remainder after my fleshly body.
Eliminating all of my carnal, substantive "person", drives me to me.
So there is X resulting of the subtraction of my body's substance.
It still stays a sort of bloody skin without flesh, only bony dry shape
with extensive limbs moving in the air.
There is a lack of meaning: "me as an X."
This lack of meaning is me, and I love it, it's my strength, hardcore center, the " heart of me".
And it never gives up!
I've a happy experience of living in this X.
It's stronger than my body! stronger than you and your intention of making me the same as you.
I stay "unexplained X." I'm happy with that!
I'm a damaged "X"ed out object, and a damaging "X"ing out subject as well.
(cf:Ellen Siegelman)(Metaphor and Meaning in Psychotherapy).
Copyright Alice ODILON. 2009. "My burning body, my snowy soul and the heart in my foot".
Copyright Alice ODILON 2009. My X bridging my soul, my raped body and my foot.
Standing in front of you, is introducing myself to you, showing myself as an X.
My X makes me "roped off."
And I cross my legs and my arms, because I'm scared of you.
This X is the proof of me.
It's what I've made with me and my consciousness, my soul, my heart and my limbs.
But what have I done with the torso of my body?
It's discussing to think about it.
I've thrown it in a dark forgotten cellar.
I don't remember……
This X is a human body without its trunk.

Photo retouchee de Richard Seaman. original on www.richardseaman.com
They want me to have a stomach they can fill and shut me up.
They want to judge me by my stomach capacity, my sexual ability,
my profitability.
They want me needing everything all the time, like a greedy pig,
a selfish woman greedy for fame.
"Paparazzis shooting my stomach". Copyright Alice ODILON
There is somenone there, in X, I swear, it's not an illusion.
Someone with a sex, with a fervently beating heart, a sweety mouth, sharp eyes,
an effective anal sphincter muscle , with spiritual hands and feet.
I feel my cardiovascular system, I feel my blood in my veins, I feel my lungs where my blood is oxygenated,
I feel the pressure of this liquid life.
I don't feel the reason for digestive system to be here.
I don't need it.
This process of putrid absorption belongs to a shabby, sinister snake threatening me constantly
to die or to blow up, making poisonous sewage drain away, all over my face,
infesting my opened mouth, blinding my red eyes already dead.
I don't have a digestive system!
Is that possible I could be a disembodied disobedient girly ghost?
A sort of cross floating in the air?
My X doesn't seem to be the noble axis "X" on which the tightrope walker is balancing on his feet.
I feel the lack of my mind in this machine X, sometimes.
Because I used to be hidden under X, I 've become confused about who I really am.
I've become this bloody skin without flesh, this bloody dumb blind Seastar.
X = bloody Seastar

Photo retouchee de Ken Kurtis. www.reefseekers.com
Is there somebody able to help me to reconnect "all these parts of me with a torso?"
A trunk of needs and full of unsatisfied pleasures.
I cannot embody this unstable trunk of fleshly reality, because it's real with its castration.
I suffer, it's really true!
Where is X? Where is my consciousness? Where is my body?
Why do my muscles in my thighs hold out even if I keep running so long,
even if I don't give any sugar to them, even If I've vomited before running?
Why am I still alive?
I am more than my body!
(becomes) "I am not my body!"
Where am I????
I'm not in this nasty body.
I love my body and I hate it.
I want to move with my soul, I want to speak with my body,
dancing, running, becoming music.
"Tighty thigh's target". Copyright Alice ODILON. No clone is free.
I've never been so sensual when I've run to the limits of my possibilities,
when I've reached the essential of me, after purging life, food, shit, of my body.
I'm definitely an X person.


















Alice ODILON
Antagallery
awhl.org
dollinvestigation.com
Rawa.org
refuge.org.uk
srebrenica-genocide.blog
wdvh.org.uk
womensaid.org.uk
hiddenhurt.co.UK
NonIlluminati.wordpress.com
site "Lupus" par Sarah BACQUET/ Tabe