Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

New www.aliceodilon.com

Simply enjoy another way browsing my work.

One of the most searing Portraits of doll’s desperation ever put in Akan’s story.

It’s time to tell about essential, minimal, brutal things in Life. Isn’t it?

Akan had tried terribly hard to postpone this moment when a dark whispering murmur of the wind would came.

But it happened despite that.
This wind was the announcement of death.
Somebody in the tower was going to leave tragically.
This doll didn’t deserve to die alone nor endure this hard life.
This black day was actually a relief for this tenant, a squatter in fact.

She had been hiding in a basement for a few days after having run away from Bresson-City.

Her name was Doll “Mouchette”.


She came from the county of Bernanoshire, where she had lived in hardship in Bresson-city.
There she had faced major difficulties: a dying mother, an alcoholic father who was absent, and a baby brother in need of care.


She had been subjected to derision from her teachers.

“Nothing but a little savage” was how the Bresson-city school-teacher had described fourteen-year-old Mouchette, and that view had been echoed by every right-thinking local citizen.
Mouchette had been alone, completely alone, against everyone.”



Her mother was too sick to get out of bed,  Mouchette had been forced to take on the motherly tasks, preparing everyone’s meals and feeding her younger sibling.

At one point, it even looked like she might try breastfeeding when there was no fire on the stove to heat the baby’s milk.



She had been forced to be an adult even before her body was capable.
Also one dark night she had been raped by a bad man in a wood.


As tragedies continued to pile up, she had decided to leave Bresson-city and to take her life into her own hands, like a last act of defiance.
Mouchette doll was the most beautiful of dolls despite her tangled black hair, her dirty nails, and her wooden clogs.
Akan didn’t know Mouchette, until she had gone to bathe in the river with her friend Betsy, anorexic paper-doll and the severed hand of the doll who had disappeared.
It was the spring of 2011 in April.
It was still very chilly and the wind was twisting and twirling the petals of the young trees in bloom.
This supremely delicate dance had attracted a sad person.


“Mouchette finds rescue and peace in the nature”.

A young doll soiled by the earth and misery, with black hair matted and covered with dust, was sitting, stretched out on the ground, on the green bank: Mouchette.

Betsy who was unable to swim, given that her paper body would disintegrate, was also seated on the other side of the river, looking after the towels of her friends, Akan and Syndra Raynaud.

Akan and Syndra were playing in the cool water splashing each other and diving into the depths.
Their bodies glided in the light, with the thinness of Akan’s body magnificent in the light of the ripples, her skin both pale and livid embellishing the river.
Syndra, the severed hand of the doll who had disappeared, with her long fingers, mimicked the touching grace of a starfish.
Syndra became a mischievous mermaid jumping in the silvery waters; her fingers did not feel the slightest cold or the slightest increase in temperature: a kind of provisional harmony!


Suddenly a cry, Betsy, panicked, helpless, witness of the worst, the death of Mouchette.


Mouchette had let herself roll from the top of the bank like a lifeless puppet carried away by her own momentum down the slope.

{Of course, she does it alone, so maybe Bresson isn’t letting us off the hook after all.

Maybe putting up with a hard life leads us to even harder, more isolated positions.

In the prologue, Mouchette’s mother refers to a stone that is inside her, a metaphor for her illness.

But then, it could be where we all end up, weighted down, and the more we struggle, like a bird ensnared in a poacher’s trap, the more it hurts.

Bresson only releases Mouchette by letting that full weight land on her, and thus pushing her under.}

Mouchette let herself slide into the cold water, drown in icy water, on this beautiful sunny morning in mid-April.

Akan and Syndra had seen nothing, but felt the tumult of the circles in the water left by the despairing leap of the Doll Mouchette.


Betsy stiff with pain, dried out with sadness, stiffened even more before the now empty water.

It was April 14, 2011, Doll Mouchette would leave an enormous hole in the lives of Akan and her friends.

Bresson, director of the masterpiece, says:

“Mouchette offers evidence of misery and cruelty.

She is found everywhere: wars, concentration camps, tortures, assassinations.”



For Mouchette. Alice Odilon December 2010.

Anorexia: The Lack of Meaning

Is there anything from which to subtract my anorexic body?

- There is an enigma in me, an X.

 

The remainder after my fleshly body.

Eliminating all of my carnal, substantive "person",  drives me to me.

So there is X resulting of the subtraction of my body's substance.

It still stays a sort of bloody skin without flesh, only bony dry shape

with extensive limbs moving in the air.

 

There is a lack of meaning: "me as an X."

This lack of meaning is me, and I love it, it's my strength, hardcore center, the " heart of me".

And it never gives up!

I've a happy experience of living in this X.

It's stronger than my body! stronger than you and your intention of making me  the same as you.

 

I stay "unexplained X." I'm happy with that!

I'm a damaged "X"ed out object, and a damaging "X"ing out subject as well.

(cf:Ellen Siegelman)(Metaphor and Meaning in Psychotherapy).

 

 

 

Copyright Alice ODILON. 2009. "My burning body, my snowy soul and the heart in my foot".

 

 

 

Copyright Alice ODILON 2009. My X bridging my soul, my raped body and my foot.

 

Standing in front of you, is introducing myself to you, showing myself as an X.

My X makes me "roped off."

And I cross my legs and my arms, because I'm scared of you.

This X is the proof of me.

It's what I've made with me and my consciousness, my soul, my heart and my limbs.

But what have I done with the torso of my body?

It's discussing to think about it.

I've thrown it in a dark forgotten cellar.

I don't remember……

 

This X is a human body without its trunk.

 

I'm a body Seastar

Photo retouchee de Richard Seaman. original on www.richardseaman.com

 

They want me to have a stomach they can fill and shut me up.

They want to judge me by my stomach capacity, my sexual ability,

my profitability.

They want me needing everything all the time, like a greedy pig,

a selfish woman greedy for fame.

 

 

  "Paparazzis shooting my stomach". Copyright Alice ODILON

 

There is somenone there, in X, I swear, it's not an illusion.

Someone with a sex, with a fervently beating heart, a sweety mouth, sharp eyes,

an effective anal sphincter muscle , with spiritual hands and feet.

I feel my cardiovascular system, I feel my blood in my veins, I feel my lungs where my blood is oxygenated,

I feel the pressure of this liquid life.

I don't feel the reason for digestive system to be here.

I don't need it.

This process of putrid absorption belongs to a shabby, sinister snake threatening me constantly

to die or to blow up, making poisonous sewage drain away, all over my face,

infesting my opened mouth, blinding my red eyes already dead.

I don't have a digestive system!

Is that possible I could be a disembodied disobedient girly ghost?

A sort of cross floating in the air?

My X doesn't seem to be the noble axis "X" on which the  tightrope walker is balancing on his feet.

 

I feel the lack of my mind in this machine X, sometimes.

Because I used to be hidden under X, I 've become confused about who I really am.

I've become this bloody skin without flesh, this bloody dumb blind Seastar.

 

X = bloody Seastar

 

Copyright Ken Kurtis

Photo retouchee de Ken Kurtis. www.reefseekers.com 

 Is there somebody able to help me to reconnect "all these parts of me with a torso?"

A trunk of needs and full of unsatisfied pleasures.

I cannot embody this unstable trunk of fleshly reality, because it's real with its castration.

 

I suffer, it's really true!

Where is X? Where is my consciousness? Where is my body?

Why do my muscles in my thighs hold out even if I keep running so long,

even if I don't give any sugar to them, even If I've vomited before running?

Why am I still alive?

I am more than my body!

(becomes) "I am not my body!"

Where am I????

I'm not in this nasty body.

I love my body and I hate it.

I want to move with my soul, I want to speak with my body,

dancing, running, becoming music.

 

 "Tighty thigh's target". Copyright Alice ODILON. No clone is free.

 

 

I've never been so sensual when I've run to the limits of my possibilities,

when I've reached the essential of me, after purging life, food, shit, of my body.

I'm definitely an X person.

Anorexia: The Rest of my Body

There has been a shambles, a shipwreck in my family.

I’m the little survivor, an unexpected seed which grew up badly.

Some people say: “After me, the deluge!”

As an anorexic girl I would rather say: “After the shambles you made, it will be impossible for me to live, but I need to try”.

All my strength was used to stand the strain of the lacking love from the Only One I expected it from : my Mother.

If I were to compare myself to a living thing, I would be a poor plain-looking plant in a dark path, or a missing-limb sea star in a tidal pool.


 

“Amputee du Coeur”. Copyright Alice ODILON 2009. No clone is free.

I’m a survivor.

I’m an X.

Only the living rough X knows the way to exist in front of my Mother or other predators.

To abridge this complicated growing phenomenon, I drastically cut my body by removing my trunk and my head.


 

“Rupture de Coeur”. Copyright Alice ODILON 2009. No clone is free.

I just kept in my mind the trace of an empty cage sheltering non-existent innards and guts, a long time ago.

Then I kept my eyes, my mouth, my sex, but I lost my face.

Finally I matched my right arm to my left leg and the same on the opposite side and I got a cross.

 


 

A “body cross” with eyes and mouth on my oral face (stomach face – lower face), sex everywhere on my arms and legs, and anus on my aboral face

(front – upper face) in the center of my pentagon body.

Finally an erotic holy body X, because if we consider the point of view of God, nothing else would be noticed on the Judgment Day,

as guts that usually support all the pains of life, are not taken into consideration and have always been considered as rubbish.


 

“Oculaire Cardiaque”. Copyright Alice ODILON 2009. No clone is free.

There I am: a living broomstick cross.

And if you have a better look at my limbs, they’re actually quite smooth and soft.


 

Photo retouchee de منتديات ستار تايمز

 

Sometimes my limbs swell up like they invite the others to touch them, as they’re so smooth.

Alice ODILON. 26 Septembre 2009.

Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

© 2009-2012 Alice ODILON All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright

  • Social Slider
Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.