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The arm-hold trap

La nuit tombe bleue marine sur la ville où s’endorment Akan et la jeune fille, loin l’une de l’autre, dans un quartier opposé de la cité.

Elles ne se parlent plus maintenant.

Akan dans son lit repense à la demoiselle aux hirondelles.

Elle a peur pour elle.

C’est dans la peau de la jeune fille désormais, la peau neuve a été tatouée.

Le dessin splendide doit lui faire mal à cette heure ci.

Non parce qu’il s’agit d’une plaie, mais parce qu’il s’agit d’un terrible acte manqué à l’envers.

Il n’est cependant plus question de rature, hachure à l’encre noire.

“Le bras aux hirondelles”. copyright Alice ODILON 2010.

Pour la gamine, ce tatouage indélébile conclue son amour incontrôlé pour sa mère; pour celle-ci il s’agit d’une fantaisie, d’un message impubère.

Mais alors que c’est-il donc passé?

Quel est ce quiproco dans la peau, si douloureux et virtueusement regardable?

- J’ai voulu faire entrer les hirondelles dans mon ciel, et Akan avec, raconte la jeune fille dans son sommeil profond.

Je désirais les garder en moi, de crainte qu’elles ne s’envolent.

C’était la seule chose à laquelle je pouvais vraiment m’accrocher.

Cette pensée pour ma Mère.

Et je sentais Akan partir, vers la fin de sa vie et je l’ai retenue.

Ecrire ma mère dans ma peau représentait le pacte le plus réel de mon destin.

Sacraliser Akan c’était aussi la faire mienne pour que je puisse vivre enfin.

Toutes ces écritures à l’extérieur de moi, m’ont paniquée et se devaient d’être captées dans mon derme.

Je demande l’absolution afin que je puisse regarder l’intérieur de mon bras, sans la hantise du membre étranger.

Que ce cauchemar cesse à jamais, que ma mère ne craigne plus d’être dans ma peau.

Oh! Maman que m’as-tu fait en partant de ma vie?????

J’ai tellement eu peur pour toi, toujours.

Maman reviens moi, reste en moi, que je puisse vivre sans ta présence!

- Dans la nuit bleue marine, Akan ne peut plus dormir.

Ses longues jambes fuselées remuent lentement sous le drap.

A l’intérieur de ses bras maigres, s’endort une petite fille au bras hachuré d’oiseaux.

Son corps anorexique lui parle de la jeune femme aux hirondelles.



Alice ODILON. Copyright Alice ODILON 2010.

Navy Blue Night falls on the exile city where sleep Akan and the girl far away from each other in an opposite area of the city.

They do not talk anymore.

Akan in her bed, thinks about the swallow tattoo girl.

She is worried about her.

It’s in the skin of the girl right now. The new skin has been tattooed.

The virtuous design is certainly hurting her arm at this time.

Not because it is a wound, but because it is a terrible Lacanian backwards slip.

However, there is no question anymore of erasing, neither black ink hatching on the flesh.

For the girl, this uncontrolled indelible tattoo concludes her love for her mother.

For the the last one it is a fantasy, a message coming from someone below the age of puberty.


So what happened then?

What is this quiproco in the skin, so painful and virtuous watchable ?

- I wanted to show the swallows and  Akan in my sky, says the young girl in her deep sleep.

I wanted to keep them in me, I was so scared they flied away.

It was the only thing I could really hang on.

This memory of my Mother.

And I felt Akan leaving, towards the end of her life and I retained her.

Writing my mother in my skin was the most real covenant of my destiny.

Making Akan sakred, was although making her, mine, in order I could live finally.

I panicked, all these entries outside of me, had to be trapped in my skin.

I’m asking for absolution so that I can watch inside of my arm without the phantom pain specter of a missing limb.

Let this nightmare stops forever, let my mother no longer fears being in my skin.

Oh Mom! what have you done to my life ?????

I’m so afraid for you, always.

Mom be back to me, remains in me, then I can live without you!

- In the navy blue night, Akan can not sleep.

Her long slender legs slowly stir in the sheet.

Within her thin arms, a little girl with hatched birds on her limb, falls asleep.

Disembodied Akan dreams about the limbless baby.



Alice ODILON. Copyright 2010.




The ghostly energy of anorexia

In the crowd there are anorexic people moving differently.

Their dark energy behaves like a form of negative energy, gravitational repulsion.

“Gravitational repulsive Energy”. Copyright Alice ODILON 2009. All rights reserved.

The nature of this force remains a mystery.

The pure essence of this dark energy creates energy phantom as the energy of an amputated limb.

This form of energy is sometimes also called “zero point energy”.

Sometimes these anorexic persons are so agitated, “elusive”, they seem untouchable like virtual photon particles.

The vacuum anorexic energy is the amount of produced  and saved energy to achieve the zero point and draw the body space time.


Alice ODILON December 2009.


Anorexia: The Irreversible Figure

I use photography as an analysis (beyond my control).


(By trying to give up my anorexic control, and without my Psychoanalyst RB, my friend.)


To make a photo is to lye on the couch and make free associations.




“The Irreversible Figure A”. copyright Alice ODILON 2009. No clone is free.


At the start, losing control of my thoughts was simply obscene to me, and I always looked for a pure sense of my associations.


Then I lived with, I seized, as so aptly Magritte, an image is a way of describing a thought.


(This inspired thought units visible things so that their mystery is evoked.


The thoughts suggesting the mystery are like the world because the world is mystery.)


The idea pushed by the unconscious links the opposites, giving an alive referent.


(The paradoxical relationship between representation and reality make disappear the resemblance.)


Magritte uses the banality of the common place to the visible world but also to reveal something else.


The picture is a setting in abyss of words and images, without ever finding the right direction.


I think Magritte was constantly trying to find his “I”, denying the real alienation of Disorder, (Chilhood bereaved by the suicide of his mother), and demonstrated the presence of invisible point: the unconscious, the only country of use.

The mystery is enjoyment because it cannot be revealed.


There is a strong parallelism between the mirror stage, Magritte and his research,on one hand, and on the other hand, the Myth of Persée and Medusa, and anorexia,(development gap between perception and reality


by the thinness convulsing the expected image) .


As said Persée beheading the Medusa: ”I was not where you could see me.”


The anorexic girl foils the disposition of the superego with using her irreversible thinness first kept secret and hiden by the coat that conceals the anorexic.

(Maintained in the agreed superego).


We can  say that the superego denies the unconscious.







“The Weapon.” 2001. Copyright Alice ODILON. No clone is free.



Then the sickle of apparent odds arises in front of the other and the anorexic girl kills him…


At the beginning the anorexic girl is initially invisible in her mystery behind her sudden and lethal weapon: the bone sickle.


Her symptom has not been noticed yet by the others.

So the clothes, being metaphorical image, the anorexic girl will consistently hiding in the folds or at least the broad to live in the spaces between body and fabric.



“Mimétique Dentelle”. Copyright Alice ODILON 1977.





Given that the skin is the mirror between the inside and outside, between form and magma body; I might say that the anorexic girl installs a gap between the skin and flesh, and another between the skin and clothing.


The anorexic girl uses this deviant strategy because she does not enter


in a standardized and castrating language.


She wants to keep and give to see what she doesn’t have.


But she goes further because she falls in the spiral of irreversibility namely making her weight lighter each day toward the ultimate infinity.


It is not in a time loop, it is an hypertely vertigo of time.


She happens to herself because she is time-bound body.


(The elusive moment of time, there is one, it is blank.


This is one of that, the irreversible real).


She does not stop the time, she flows into the movement of the seconds and his overactive body to appear just a short time.


The irreversible time makes everything new each time, every unique moment, “there is one,” as said Lacan.






“She will be re-born from herself from her bones and limbs”. Copyright Alice ODILON 2009.



(The word reel in French gives leer to read it backwards, says Lacan.


{Leer in German means empty: the real, time is the thrust of the vacuum, or, as physicists say “the vacuum is a push.”


But this is not the empty hollow space which is usually a surge, that is the void of time which is a thrust.


In the vacuum of space we fall in the time and come up in a dance}.


Guy Massat. Psychoanalyst.






“Inside Out” as Top of Issey Miyake 2001. Copyright Alice ODILON.








{“Gradually everything will start to fail in its place”.} Claude RABANT.



Anorexia Is a dance without a trace.moon29

Alice ODILON November 2009.



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© 2009-2012 Alice ODILON All Rights Reserved -- Copyright notice by Blog Copyright

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