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The arm-hold trap

La nuit tombe bleue marine sur la ville où s’endorment Akan et la jeune fille, loin l’une de l’autre, dans un quartier opposé de la cité.

Elles ne se parlent plus maintenant.

Akan dans son lit repense à la demoiselle aux hirondelles.

Elle a peur pour elle.

C’est dans la peau de la jeune fille désormais, la peau neuve a été tatouée.

Le dessin splendide doit lui faire mal à cette heure ci.

Non parce qu’il s’agit d’une plaie, mais parce qu’il s’agit d’un terrible acte manqué à l’envers.

Il n’est cependant plus question de rature, hachure à l’encre noire.

“Le bras aux hirondelles”. copyright Alice ODILON 2010.

Pour la gamine, ce tatouage indélébile conclue son amour incontrôlé pour sa mère; pour celle-ci il s’agit d’une fantaisie, d’un message impubère.

Mais alors que c’est-il donc passé?

Quel est ce quiproco dans la peau, si douloureux et virtueusement regardable?

- J’ai voulu faire entrer les hirondelles dans mon ciel, et Akan avec, raconte la jeune fille dans son sommeil profond.

Je désirais les garder en moi, de crainte qu’elles ne s’envolent.

C’était la seule chose à laquelle je pouvais vraiment m’accrocher.

Cette pensée pour ma Mère.

Et je sentais Akan partir, vers la fin de sa vie et je l’ai retenue.

Ecrire ma mère dans ma peau représentait le pacte le plus réel de mon destin.

Sacraliser Akan c’était aussi la faire mienne pour que je puisse vivre enfin.

Toutes ces écritures à l’extérieur de moi, m’ont paniquée et se devaient d’être captées dans mon derme.

Je demande l’absolution afin que je puisse regarder l’intérieur de mon bras, sans la hantise du membre étranger.

Que ce cauchemar cesse à jamais, que ma mère ne craigne plus d’être dans ma peau.

Oh! Maman que m’as-tu fait en partant de ma vie?????

J’ai tellement eu peur pour toi, toujours.

Maman reviens moi, reste en moi, que je puisse vivre sans ta présence!

- Dans la nuit bleue marine, Akan ne peut plus dormir.

Ses longues jambes fuselées remuent lentement sous le drap.

A l’intérieur de ses bras maigres, s’endort une petite fille au bras hachuré d’oiseaux.

Son corps anorexique lui parle de la jeune femme aux hirondelles.



Alice ODILON. Copyright Alice ODILON 2010.

Navy Blue Night falls on the exile city where sleep Akan and the girl far away from each other in an opposite area of the city.

They do not talk anymore.

Akan in her bed, thinks about the swallow tattoo girl.

She is worried about her.

It’s in the skin of the girl right now. The new skin has been tattooed.

The virtuous design is certainly hurting her arm at this time.

Not because it is a wound, but because it is a terrible Lacanian backwards slip.

However, there is no question anymore of erasing, neither black ink hatching on the flesh.

For the girl, this uncontrolled indelible tattoo concludes her love for her mother.

For the the last one it is a fantasy, a message coming from someone below the age of puberty.


So what happened then?

What is this quiproco in the skin, so painful and virtuous watchable ?

- I wanted to show the swallows and  Akan in my sky, says the young girl in her deep sleep.

I wanted to keep them in me, I was so scared they flied away.

It was the only thing I could really hang on.

This memory of my Mother.

And I felt Akan leaving, towards the end of her life and I retained her.

Writing my mother in my skin was the most real covenant of my destiny.

Making Akan sakred, was although making her, mine, in order I could live finally.

I panicked, all these entries outside of me, had to be trapped in my skin.

I’m asking for absolution so that I can watch inside of my arm without the phantom pain specter of a missing limb.

Let this nightmare stops forever, let my mother no longer fears being in my skin.

Oh Mom! what have you done to my life ?????

I’m so afraid for you, always.

Mom be back to me, remains in me, then I can live without you!

- In the navy blue night, Akan can not sleep.

Her long slender legs slowly stir in the sheet.

Within her thin arms, a little girl with hatched birds on her limb, falls asleep.

Disembodied Akan dreams about the limbless baby.



Alice ODILON. Copyright 2010.




L’hirondelle volée

Il doit être 1 heure de l’après-midi, et une chaleur encombrante monte dans la rue où nos deux personnages entament un long débat.

- Vous marchez trop vite! si vous voulez parler, ralentissez!

Votre rythme délibérément accéléré me fatigue!

S’écrie la jeune fille suivant le pas furtif de Akan déjà quelques mètres devant elle.

- Oh! excusez moi, j’aime tant aller vite, engager la voie, m’élever presque du sol.


“Elle s’élève”.Copyright Alice ODILON 2010


Je ne me rends pas compte, je vais comme l’oiseau.

C’est joli votre tatouage à l’intérieur de votre bras gauche!

C’est étrange; ces hirondelles naturalistes, s’imprègnent en vous comme une plaie bleue marine.

- Vraiment trop long à cicatriser, cela met du temps à se faire oublier.

- Et quel est le sens de ce logo au centre du tatouage?

- Personnel, cela ne vous regarde pas.


- Excusez moi encore de mon indiscrétion.

C’est que j’aime les hirondelles, voyez-vous?

Les martinets m’ont sifflé le secret de la liberté, grâce à leurs cris, leur vol périlleux rasant les murs de l’enceinte ténébreuse contrôlée par ma mère, j’ai pu tenir dans la nuit, alors qu’il faisait encore jour en ces étés superbes.

Les hirondelles m’avertissaient de ce qui métait possible encore de tenter pour m’échapper de l’emprise.

Dans les moments les plus noirs, quand j’étais seule dans mon lit loin du monde, j’entendais leurs cris, et c’était tout.


- Pourquoi me dites vous ces choses? Cela ne me concerne pas et ne me touche pas.

- Peut-être bien. Elles sont tellement importantes pour moi.

Vous savez quand je suis devenue femme, je pensais toujours aux hirondelles.

Un jour, à Paris, rue de la Paix, une lumière blanche a captivé mon regard

dans une vitrine abondante d’un joaillier.

Sur un banc de velours bleu, étincelait une hirondelle en or blanc sertie de diamants.

Je suis entrée et je l’ai achetée sans réfléchir.

Je la voulais autour de mon cou, mais c’était une erreur, une hirondelle ne s’attache pas.

D’ailleurs elle s’est vite envolée, on me l’a volée peu de temps après.


“L’hirondelle s’envole après avoir été volée”. Copyright Alice ODILON 2010.


Je l’avais mise dans un coffret et je ne l’ai plus jamais retrouvée.

je l’ai cherchée longtemps, puis je me suis consolée de l’avoir perdue, car je ne l’avais pas oubliée.


- Ce n’est pas moi qui l’ai volée!

- Bien sûr que non! vous l’avez seulement dessinée et graver dans la chair de votre bras, mais une hirondelle ne se représente pas, un signe s’écrit, l’hirondelle s’écrit dans le ciel, ce n’est pas un dessin, elle

écrit sa vie, elle s’écrie de cette conscience acérée de la vie.

Dessiner une hirondelle sonne comme un non sens. voyez-vous?

- Non je ne vois pas, je veux que vous voyez mon tatouage, que vous me regardiez et que vous me trouviez belle.

Ce tatouage m’est désormais attitré, ces foutus oiseaux indélébiles crèvent dans mon épiderme, je dois faire avec, et vos histoires je m’en fous.

Elles ne peuvent plus bouger maintenant, ni elle, ni vous, vous entendez?

je n’ai rien demandé aux hirondelles si ce n’est qu’elles se taisent à jamais dans ma peau.

Que le ciel devienne ma peau partout, pour elle, pour cette mère que je déteste!

Que ma chair avale les hirondelles et ma mère!

Et maintenant poussez-vous, partez! que je vous oublie aussi fort que le coeur!


- Alors, Adieu, répondit Akan, mystérieuse et libre.

Alice ODILON. Copyright 3/7/2010

It must be 1:00 pm , and a cumbersome heat goes up in the street where our two characters start a long debate.

- You walk too quickly! if you want to speak, slow down!

Your deliberately accelerated rhythm tires me!

Exclaims the young girl according to the furtive step of Akan already a few meters in front of her.

- Oh! excuse me, I like so much to go quickly, engage the way, take of almost.

- I do not realize, I go my way like a bird.

That’ a nice tattoo you’ve got on the inside of your left arm!

That’s  strange; these naturalist  swallows, impregnate your skin like a marine blue wound.

- Really too long to heal, it takes to much time to made me forget it.

- And what does mean this logo in the center of the tattoo?

- Private. It’s not your business.

- Again Please accept my apologises for my indiscretion.

That’s because I love  swallows,  you see?

The swifts whistled to me the secrecy of freedom.

Thanks to their cries, thanks to their perilous flight shaving the walls, – the dark enclosure of my mother – I could stay in the dark, during these nights of Summer.

The swallows informed me what was still possible to try for me to escape from the morbid hold of my mother.

In the blackest moments, when I was obliged to go to bed far from the world, I heard their cries, and that was it.

- Why are you letting me know all these things?

That does not relate to me and does not touch me.

- Perhaps well. They are so important for me.

You know when I became woman, I always thought of the swallows.

One day, in Paris, Rue de la paix, a white light captivated my glance in an abundant window of a jeweller.

On a blue velvet bench, was glittering a swallow in white gold crimped of diamonds.

I entered and I bought it without any doubt.

I wanted it around my neck; but it was an error, a swallow cannot live captive.

Although it was quickly flown away: it was stolen next year after.

I had put it in a box and  l never found it again.

I had sought it for a long time, then I comforted myself with the dead thought I had lost it.

But I have never forgotten it.

- I didn’t stole it!

- Of course not! You only drew and engrave it in the flesh of your arm,

but a swallow cannot be drawn, a sign writes itself, a swallow  writes itself in the sky, this is not a drawing, it writes its own life, with its sharp-edged conscience of life.

To draw a swallow sounds like no sense. Do you understand?

- No I don’t see what you mean, the only thing I want is that you would admire my tattoo, that you look at me and that you find me amazing.

This tattoo is me, these bloody indelible birds die in my skin, I must deal with them by now.

They cannot move any more now, neither them, nor you, you listen?

I only asked  the swallows they would keep silent forever in my skin.

Let the sky become my skin everywhere, Let my flesh swallow the swallows and my mother!

And now get away, leave!

I want forget you!

- Then, Good-bye, answered Akan, mysterious and free.

Anorexia: Anomaly in the Assembly Line

A Doll Model is a representation of one reality. (idealistic representation).

(A generic model or pattern from which other objects are based or derived).

(A simplified representation – usually mathematical - used to explain the workings of a real world system or event.)

In 99% of the cases the structure of the Doll Model conforms to normal profile of usually accepted Dolls.




Samples of normal, usually acceptables Dolls. Copyright Corolle.com


These standard Dolls represent idealistic characters with perfect ability to manage a successfull life.

They seem absolutely absent and appear to feel nothing like stone.

The size of their eyes is small.

You can notice they have small little impassive eyes and a rather severe closed mouth.

Often they haves a permanent blind smile.

They’re in any case happy and never disturbed by any pain or danger.

Their appearence tells us about their lifestyle, their membership of a specific social class, their credit, their undeniable power.

This  structural design of a complex system represents a small-scale model of the Human Body.

(A miniature representation of a physical human body).

These Dolls are a certified copy and can be cloned to infinity.

These “standard” Dolls within the framework of a specific environment reproduce an “Ecosystem”.

It can be displayed by diagrams, photos, reproductions of templates, computering simulations.

Some scientists have developed models in order to represent the structure, the function and interaction of many biological and non-biological components of the conformed Doll.

However every perfect assembly line always produces defective produced items and these are put to one side in order to serve as experimental specimens.

In human society the discarded specimen (runaways, anorexics, the mentally disabled, the disabled, streetwalkers, drug addicts, lost persons) are considered as the same level and of zero value.

And then serial killers or scientists experiment their hate, or their thirst for knowledge about their ability to erase such discarded samples copies.

Usually these defective Dolls are used as discarded Dolls, failed samples, to predict the artificial or natural changes arising in a part of a Doll which influences the rest of  the environment.

These defective individuals have  skeleton, limbs, the same organisation as the conformed models, but unfortunately they cannot faithfully reproduce the complex biological reality of a normal Doll’s ecosystem

(we will study this phenomenon in a next post.

They present an anomaly of shape; they’re extremely thin and frail and have huge sad eyes as we cannot flee from their impact.

Suzuna.



 

“Ganga” from Dollstown. This little one gets incredible huge eyes.



“Sample of discarded doll in reference of human being Diane Rock”. copyright Alice Odilon.2008. No clone is free.


“They are refered to “anorexic Dolls.”

They can however serve as tools in lab to help the administrators of Dolls factories to take decision about future conception of Doll, in order to avoid again same anorexic tare.


“Discarded doll” 2009. Copyright Alice ODILON. No Clone is free.


On account of this  irreparable failure, they’ve got a great ability to sensorial  and physical impregnation, and then allow to simulate alternatives scenarios such as reductions of different percentage of nutritive elements.

The conformed Dolls and even the anorexic Dolls, as all vertebral bodies can be compared to a biotope, a biological environment.

They’re made up of a skeleton, a set of organs, and a communication system between them.

The Anorexic Doll displays the same structural base with an outstanding ineligible offside working due to bugs in the manufacture.

Anyway the Doll is a life environment for many little bacteries.

On the skin, in the digestive system, in the hair, many bacteries live together.(biocenose).

We speak about “homeostasy”:

  • The conservation of temperature.
  • The conservation of acidity (pH) in the digestive tract.
  • The conservation of water content (sudation, breathing, digestion et excrétion).

All these equilibrium are maintained by environmental factors, hormons, condition of the complex Doll’s organism.

Like every ecosystem the Doll is conceived, born, grows up, becomes mature and then declines, getting older.


the environment of the Doll.

We can speak about different scales about the understanding of environment.

The Doll as an organism is surrounded and protected by an individual envelop against germs attacks, a mecanical and chimical protection: the skin.

The Doll becomes differentiated and protected by clothes.

The immediate space, private and personnal area ( for example the “childy” adult Doll looks for physical contact, whereas the “adulty” child Doll stands out its distance with the other Dolls.

(This distance is variable according to the development of the Doll).

The Doll enlarges or decreases its own area depending on its well beeing or its level of stress, its needs and maturity.

 

“The Doll” by Hans Bellmer.


Alice ODILON. 12/10/2009

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